#free mustache rides

[featherbreak]

Nona added in the spirit of truth: "And I can't help chewing the ends with plaits. I want to steer clear of Temptation."

feat. Noodle(s) and a mustache r--

coloured contacts & silly faces test for summer!croptop!Nona (aka "it's too hot to wear three layers on public transit right now, ayfkm?")

[sdvbraindump]

I also only know this Harvey now. His glasses are next to him trust me. He wants you to see his "What you wanna do" eyes without them in the way.

[drastrochris]

Imagine.

It's the end of the world. Destruction is everywhere, there is no safe place to escape to, everyone will die.

You turn a corner, and this short lady with night-black braids catches your gaze. "Death! Death first to vultures and scavengers! Death then to those who remain!"

But she's in super short jorts with a t-shirt that reads "Mustache Rides: 69¢."

"THEY SHOULD BE FREE!" she roars as she claws your right arm from your torso. "WHY IS THERE ANY CHARGE????"

[sdvbraindump]

Just saying

Damn the amount of people who want to see that man eat pussy

[spoonv]

ignore that this took me like a month but HE'S HERE

for a limited time only get it while you can people!!

(click for quality tumblr ruins everything 😭)

[meat-loving-meat]

My silliest, most pointless, and least helpful pet peeve in the Locked Tomb fandom is that the t-shirt Pyrrha was going to give Nona advertises CHEAP (not free!) mustache rides! She is making a joke about how everyone thinks that she is Nona’s pimp! Paul even says that they think mustache rides “should be free” in opposition to the t-shirt! It is a joke about sex work! The fact that they are cheap and not free is important!

[eddiegettingshot]

sorry to message you twice in one night but oliver is 100% reading bpreg like 'i hope this doesn't awaken anything in me...'

HES LITERALLY CRYING TO BREEDING FIC <3

[a-mermaids-heart]

Never escaping NTN

[elegant-fleuret]

old man brainrot coming in. obsessed.

Rating: Explicit Pairing: Mobius M. Mobius/Reader Summary: If anyone was to blame for this situationship it was whoever at PepsiCo thought it was a good idea to invent Josta soda.

Ch001: What does my coworker's spit taste like?

No one in the TVA gets sick.

Something about the rigorous vaccination process that all employees go through every so often that leads to almost complete immunity against all viruses and bacteria that ever existed everywhere at all times. At least that’s what you've always assumed each time it was your turn to bend over with your pants down, getting needle after needle stabbed in your buttcheeks by the dear TVA medical department. Hundreds of years working and you’ve yet to hear about any one having even so much as a runny nose.

So there’s no reason to ever think you’re sick. 

There’s just a constant tickling in your throat. 

Irritation of the mucus membrane, right up behind your uvula, in an area at the bottom of your nasal passageway before your throat. There's an urge to clear your throat, to try and itch the tickle or try to swallow down what feels like a lump of mucus. But it never works. All you get is dirty side eye looks from the analyst sitting at the desk surrounding you and the sounds of them scraping their chairs as they move as far away as they can from you. You try not to take offense, you wouldn’t want to be sitting next to someone who was trying to discreetly hack up a lung for hours on end.

You're not sick. The air in the analyst room is just dry. And you forgot to grab any water during break.

For the umpteenth time since you sat down in your chair to work hours ago that damn tickle is near unbearable. You try to convince yourself to yawn, taking in a deep breath of dry air and forcing your mouth to water as well as your eyes. As you swallow, desperate for some inkling of moisture relief, you realize it was not enough. Shit. Now you had a dry throat, watering eyes, and you were going to have to cough.  

You were definitely not sick. 

Just when you pull your elbow to your mouth to cough there's a movement in the corner of your eye. A metal can is suddenly in your field of vision. You turn your head to see the hand holding the metal can, connected to the arm of one of your fellow analysts. Older, maybe middle aged, with short, slicked back gray hair and kind smile under a silly looking mustache. Your eyes blink, blurry from yawn-tears. Obviously he worked with you in some capacity. What was his name?

You take the can and notice it's not only already open but it's also half empty.

“Figure you might need it more than me,” he says like it's a perfectly normal act to offer a coworker your half drunk can of soda. His smile is crooked just like his nose, both totally uniquely identifiable traits that you would remember if you had seen before. His name and his oddly handsome face escapes you in the sea of hundreds of other TVA analysts you've met. 

You look up at him then back down to the can. You do not want to thank him for his slightly used drink and you don't want to drink the rest of it either. But you find yourself doing both.

Illness can’t spread in the TVA because no one, ever, gets sick.

The can's design is bold in its ugliness. A bright yellow rectangle highlights the name, Josta, written in a font that screams trying too hard to be extreme, against a bright red background.  On one hand you wanted to roll your eyes. On the other hand, your mustachioed coworker is still standing at your desk as if he was waiting for you to take a sip. Ah, of course, one of the TVA’s many weirdos. You raise the can in his direction before bringing it to your lips.

Josta is… peculiar. To put it lightly.

Carbonated bubbles fizz to the top of the brown liquid, a faint popping sound that you hear only moments before you smell its sickly sweet scent. It tingles your nose in a not exactly pleasant way. The fruity taste is borderline chemical, as if someone has seen a picture of a berry once and tried to guess the taste then shoved it in a soda to manufacture the hell out of it. Every taste bud on your tongue begs you for mercy.

You hide your reaction of disgust behind the back of your hand, under the guise of daintily wiping your lips, eyes widening as you force yourself to make a little yum noise. Mr. Mustachio seems pleased, pleased enough that he claps you on the shoulder, tosses what you assume is a finished report on your desk, then gives you a wink before sauntering off to who knows where. You watch him leave, eyes focused on the swirl of a cowlick in his gray hair on the back of his head, until he disappears into the sea of analysts. 

Who was that guy?

It takes every ounce of your will power but you manage to finish what was left in the can. What it lacks in good taste it makes up for in being a liquid other than your spit. Instead of a dry throat tickle you're now dealing with the leftover taste of faux berry cola with the little extra flavoring of Mr. Mustachio’s backwash. It clings to your tongue for the next hour just like the saucy little wink clings to your mind. 

You smack your tongue against the top of your mouth before you get back to what you were doing. The manilla folder he so fluidly tossed landed top of the one you were already working on. Curious, it wasn't often that the analyst brought you the reports themselves. You blink at it with curiosity before flicking open the top, eyes skimming the report to see what could have possibly made Mr. Mustachio think any of that interaction was worth it. Nothing. 

Without a second thought it gets neatly placed at the bottom of the stack. Sly dog thinking he could garner favor with you so you'd get his report checked out before the others in line? Nuh-uh, not with a slightly used soda. You settle back into your work groove, throat sufficiently quenched until you can take another break, letting the entire awkward interaction fade from your mind.

Until the buzzing started. 

(continue reading at the ao3 link for the sexy bits)

[catnipster69]

The Cost of the Ride is Free

An uneasy quiet settled over the valley. The faint sound of the wind through the grasses mingled with the susurrations of a creek somewhere nearby. Dawn was just starting to break, but the birds were sleeping in or just staying out of the way of what was to come.

A man hiked in on the lone trail carved into the southern hill. Despite his attempts at silence, his boots still kicked a rock here or there, and for anyone looking, they would see a cloud of dust where he passed. But no one was looking. The other man in the valley turned over in his sleeping bag, trying to get a few more minutes of shuteye, or like the birds, he was unwilling to face the day.

The hiker stood over the sleeper. After a few seconds, he kicked the sleeper lightly with his dusty boot. The man in the sleeping bag looked up and scowled, and he held his arm across his eyes to shield the sun.

The man standing said, “I hope you’re proud of yourself, Dean.”

The man on the ground ran his hand across his upper lip and smiled, as if remembering.

“Don’t say it,” Sam warned.

Dean looked up at him and grinned. “Free Mustache—”

Sam turned and walked away, cutting him off. “You’d better shave that thing off!” he yelled over his shoulder.

Dean just laughed. Still, it was gone by the next day.

[technicolorxsn]

I fucking love when people draw alecto in nonas shirts it's always so good

[incorrectbatfam]

Retail steph with damian and Jon? :) i love retail steph so much

(featuring Billy Batson because he only adds chaos and I love him)

Previous: Margie | Batkids | Rogues | Justice League | Retail batkids | Retail Bruce | Young Justice | Black Friday | Valentine's Day

[grocery store]

Steph, working the bakery section: How can I help you boys today?

Jon: We're getting a cake for our friend's birthday. Chocolate with buttercream frosting, please. 

Steph: Do you want it to say anything? 

Jon: Yes. "Happy 14th B-day, Billy!"

Steph: What color?

Damian: Red. 

Steph: *starts writing on the cake*

Damian: Please also add: "Despite your shortcomings and lack of maturity, you are a valuable part of our team and as you get older, I expect you to gain greater wisdom that will aid us in our goals and prospects."

Steph: *struggling to fit it on the cake*

———————

[coffee shop]

Damian: Can we try the five-drink espresso flight?

Steph: You sure?

Billy, eyeing an unsuspecting Jon: Yes.

Steph: Alrighty.

*moments later*

Jon, after his fifth espresso: I'M KING OF THE UNIVERSE!

Jon: *shoots through the ceiling*

Damian: *grumbles and hands Billy ten bucks*

Steph, sighing: I'll get the broom.

———————

[clothing store]

Jon: *dancing in the dressing room with light-up shoes*

Damian: *T-posing in a trenchcoat*

Billy: *filming them*

Steph: What are you doing?

Billy: Making a TikTok. 

Steph: Well, you can't have cameras in the dressing rooms. I'm gonna have to ask you to stop. 

———————

[drive-thru]

Damian: One vegetarian Batburger, one regular Batburger, and one order of Night-Wings. And an extra-extra-extra large Ivy Salad.

Steph: Did you take the Batmobile again? 

Damian: No. 

Steph: Why don't you pull up to the window and prove it? 

Damian, Jon, and Billy: *ride up on Bat-Cow*

———————

[furniture store]

Jon: What's a warranty?

Damian: It's a court order to arrest someone. 

Steph: That's a warrant. A warranty covers the cost of something if it gets damaged within a certain amount of time. In our case, the store has a one-year warranty on all items. What are you looking to buy?

Billy: *enters pushing a Pinball machine*

Damian: ...It's for school.

———————

[restaurant]

Steph: What can I get you?

Damian: We'll split a pizza. 

Steph: Okay, anything else?

Billy, as Shazam: An alcohol.

Steph: "An alcohol?"

Billy: Yes, your finest alcohol. Sharing size, please.

Steph: I'll need to see some ID.

Billy, nervous: What's there to see? I'm clearly an adult. 

Steph: I need them for everyone at the table. 

Damian: *pulls out Jason's crime lord license*

Jon: *sticks on a fake mustache*

———————

[call center]

Steph, stifling a yawn: Wayne Enterprises account support, how can I help you? 

Damian: Why are you still working? It's midnight. 

Steph: Overnight shift. This is a 24-hour line. What do you need, Damian?

Damian: Nothing. We just wanted to annoy you. 

Steph: We?

Jon: Hiya!

Billy: 'Sup.

———————

[sleepover at the Manor]

Steph: Alfred told me to bring you some snacks.

Damian: Excellent. 

Steph: *leaves the room*

Steph, internally: What do kids these days even do at sleepovers? 

Steph: *presses her ear to the door*

Damian: Truth or Dare? 

Jon: Truth. 

Damian: Which one of my siblings do you like best?

Jon: Steph, all the way.

Billy: I agree, she's the coolest. Remember when she drove us to get midnight breakfast on my birthday?

Jon: And when she promised not to tell my parents when I broke the café ceiling.

Billy: Or when she took us for a walk and actually explained why we couldn't make TikToks in the store instead of going "because I said so" like other adults. 

Jon: Plus, she gave all the leftover salad to Bat-Cow and helped us set up the Pinball machine downstairs.

Billy: Ooh, and she's really good at making mocktails. 

Jon: Also, she extended our free trial of the Daily Planet for our social studies project. 

Damian: Hm... point taken.

Billy: And she's hot.

Damian: Say that again and I will smite you with your own powers.  

Steph: *smiles softly*

[roosterforme]

The Younger Kind Part 62 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: Bradley could tell how important it was to you, so he spent the morning after the wedding night helping you fill out adoption paperwork. Christmas was fast approaching, as was your next appointment, and he had never seen Noah so happy before. He'd never been this happy before either.

Warnings: pregnancy topics, swearing, smut, fluff, and age gap (18+)

Length: 5000 words

Pairing: Single dad!Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x babysitter!female reader

Check out my masterlist for more! The Younger Kind masterlist.

You spent the day after your wedding snuggled up on the couch with Bradley and Skittles, reading over the adoption paperwork one last time before signing everything. "You're officially Noah's stepmom now," Bradley whispered as you watched the swirl of ink from the pen turn into your signature. You still wanted to change your last name, but this was the most important thing to you. This was what you wanted the most right now.

"I just want to be his mom."

He kissed your ear, the deep rumble of his laughter making you smile. "You've been that for a while, Princess."

"Yeah, but for real though," you said, turning to look back at him as you sat perched on his lap. "Once this gets approved, which could still take weeks even though they will probably waive all of the inspection protocols, I'll change my last name. Then we can pay to have an updated adoption certificate where we all have the same last name."

He nodded and gently turned you to face him. "We'll drop your adoption paperwork off tomorrow with the county clerk. Tracy said it's all in order. And then we get to find out about this little one."

You kissed him while he caressed your belly. "And then it will be Christmas."

"Like my Christmas in July birthday party," he murmured against your lips. His mustache was rough and perfect, and soon he was untying the drawstring of your lounge pants. "You feel like giving me a few minutes of your time, Mrs. Bradshaw? Before our son gets home from Penny's?"

He helped you out of your pants and your underwear, and you whispered, "I guess this is our honeymoon," with a little laugh.

"Nah," he grunted as he yanked his sweatpants down until his thick cock was free and bobbing against his thigh. He met your eyes as you took him in both of your hands. "I already told you, we can go anywhere you want next year. Just me and you."

When you lined him up with your opening, you took him inch by inch listening to his deep groan as he slowly filled you up. You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed his cheek as you felt yourself fluttering softly around him. "Is this okay?" you whispered without moving your hips, even though you could tell by his eyes that he loved it. "If we just do this for a few minutes?"

"Keep me warm, Princess."

You kissed your way from his lips to his mustache and along his jaw. He smelled and tasted so familiar, you never wanted to stop touching him. You never wanted his hands to stop their gentle exploration of your hips and belly. Your fingers found their way to his hair as you said, "We should get Noah a Christmas tree. We could put it in the corner next to the front window."

"Absolutely, Baby," he whimpered as you clenched softly while keeping yourself still. "We can pick out some presents for him, too."

You weren't sure how you already felt like you were going to come when you weren't even moving, but the desperation in his voice and the brush of his rough hairs against our clit were sending you there. "Let's get him a bike with training wheels," you moaned while he pulled your shirt up and over your head. "Watching you teach him how to ride it would be so hot, Daddy."

And what that, he scooped you up so gently and held you to his chest with his cock still buried deep. He eased you down onto the floor while you clung to him, and he set you down next to the snag in the area rug. His big body was pressed to yours, but you knew he'd never hurt you. The pressure was delicious, but it was never too much against your belly.

Bradley kissed your breasts, thrusting with deep, long strokes and holding your hands above your head. "Call me Daddy again."

"Daddy," you gasped as he pulled your nipple between his teeth before sucking on it. "You're my Daddy."

"Mmm, that's right," he rasped, kissing his way up to your lips. "And what does Daddy do for you?" You were panting, your arms pinned in place as he kept his thrusts even and steady. "Tell me."

"Anything I want!" you cried out, your gaze on the snagged rug as he pressed his mouth to your ear.

"Anything you want. Do you want to come?"

Your voice was lighter than air as you said, "Yes." Because you were already there. "Yes." 

You came on his cock while he braced his hands on either side of your head, his face turning red as he fucked you a little faster. When you reached up to run your fingers along his cheek, still gripping him as you orgasmed, he kissed your wrist. "I love you, Mrs. Bradshaw."

You and he were still finishing when you heard a car door slam outside, and he was still inside your pussy when there was a knock on the front door. You started giggling as he whispered, "Perfect timing," before picking you up again. He set you down on your feet, scooped up your clothing and swatted at your rear end while his cum dripped down your thighs. "Go get dressed, and I'll let them in."

You pranced off toward the bedroom, calling out in a singsong voice, "Don't forget your cock is still hanging out."

"Thank you," he replied as you giggled more and made a pitstop in the bathroom. You could already hear Noah asking for you. You could hear him telling Bradley he made you macaroni art. You couldn't wait to adopt him.

--------------------------

"You don't need me here. You know that, right?" Tracy asked as she cracked open a Red Bull and looked at the adoption paperwork. 

You gave Bradley a miserable look as he collected you into his arms. You were nervous, afraid somebody would find something wrong with the forms you and he filled out together. So he called Tracy first thing on Monday morning and asked her to come to the clerk's office and look over everything. He offered to pay her double her hourly rate.

"I panicked," you whispered, barely loud enough for Bradley and Tracy to hear you. "I want this to go off without a hitch."

Tracy sighed and smiled softly. "Here, hold this," she said, thrusting her drink into Bradley's hand as she flipped through the pages. "You've got proof of marriage. Proof of citizenship. Proof of Noah's birth mother being incarcerated and losing custody of him." She looked up and added, "You're welcome for that one."

Bradley laughed in the quiet hallway before pulling himself together while you tried to cover his mouth. "Bradley, shh!"

"It's all in order," Tracy eventually said, handing the papers back to you and snatching up her Red Bull. "It's perfect."

"Thank you, Tracy," you whispered. Bradley watched you hug her while she tried not to spill the drink on her suit or on you, and his heart swelled with love. This was so important to you. Noah and he were both so important to you. He'd never been a priority like this before, not since his mom died. And now Noah was thriving with you in their lives.

"I brought my checkbook," he said, reaching to pull it out of the back pocket of his uniform pants. "Double for the hour?"

Tracy shook her head as you finally released her. "Consider it another wedding gift. And happy holidays."

You had tears in your eyes as she walked away. "We need to send her a case of Red Bull. Two cases. Three! Order them when you order Noah's bike."

"Okay," he laughed. "I will. Now let's hand this in so we can make it official as soon as possible."

You yanked open the door to the clerk's office and waited in the short line with Bradley right behind you. When you got to the front, you stated your name and what you were there for. "I want to adopt my stepson." The words were so important to you and to him, and your voice shook with emotion while the clerk collected the paperwork and your fingerprints. And that was it. Three minutes later, and you were in the parking lot with your arms wrapped around Bradley's neck.

"Are you okay, Baby?" he asked while you cried.

"Yeah," you said as your voice broke. "But I just want to go home and color my Princess book with Noah. I don't know if I can wait several weeks to hear back about this. I'll never make it."

He hooked his fingers under your chin and whispered, "Time will fly by. Tomorrow is a big day."

Your bright smile left him breathless. "We get to find out about the baby."

He nodded and guided you so your back was pressed to the Bronco. "I can't wait to find out if I'm painting the nursery blue or purple."

"Daddy," you laughed, bouncing in place a little bit. "Noah is going to be the best big brother either way."

"He can pass down your ants on logs recipe to number two," he whispered, and you laughed harder. 

"He can teach the baby that only one of us can be trusted in the kitchen."

"I resent that," Bradley said with a smile as he leaned in close and kissed you as you giggled. "I need to get to work. You'll pick Noah up later?"

"Yes."

"And you'll start dinner?"

"Well I'm certainly not going to let you do it."

Bradley glared at you playfully. "I was going to suggest we take Noah to pick out a little spruce tree for the living room after we eat, but perhaps not."

"Perhaps yes!" you insisted. "It's happening!"

----------------------------

You barely slept on Monday night, too excited by the smell of the fresh tree in the living room and the excitement bubbling up inside you whenever you thought about your appointment. You curled up in Bradley's arms, enjoying the warmth he always gave you, and you let him sleep while you thought about raising two kids in this perfect house.

As soon as your alarm chimed, you were shaking your husband awake and straddling his hips. "Daddy. It's baby day!"

He squeezed his eyes shut tighter and grimaced in response. "What time is it?"

"Time to go see the baby," you whispered loudly, and now Skittles was up and pawing at the bed. "Come on."

"You know," he groaned, "for someone who doesn't care if we're having a boy or a girl, you're really excited right now."

"I just want to know," you whined, leaning down to kiss him along his stubble. "And then we can decorate the tree and order presents online later."

Bradley sat up with you all over him. "I don't even have any decorations for the tree, Baby."

You weren't deterred in the least. "Noah and I are going to make them. And I guess you can help, too."

"Your generosity amazes me," he whispered before kissing you so well, you wanted to push him back down onto the bed, but you pulled away instead.

"Stop trying to distract me. Let's get Noah ready so we can go."

When the three of you eventually dropped him off at preschool, you greeted Casey with a bright smile. She only focused on Noah and Bradley, but you didn't even care about her shitty attitude anymore. "Have a nice day, Casey!" You managed to get a scowl in return.

Bradley chuckled as you yanked him back to the Bronco. "Why did you have to instigate with her?"

"I was being nice!" you insisted as he started driving to your appointment. "It's not entirely her fault that you're hot and Noah is sweet. The Bradshaw boys are tempting."

He shook his head and said, "The Bradshaw boys are a mess. Or we were. Not anymore, I suppose." Your husband reached for your hand while he drove. You played with his fingers, absolutely buzzing with excitement. You had to keep reminding yourself that he'd already been through all of these things before when Meredith was pregnant with Noah, but he surprised you when he parked at the medical complex.

"Let's go, Daddy," you said, shoving his hand back at him so you could climb out, but he held on tight. When you looked back at him, his face looked serious. "What's wrong?"

All he said was, "Thank you." When you shrugged and scooted closer to him with a puzzled look on your face, he added, "Thank you for never shutting me out."

You didn't ask him to elaborate. You knew he'd been underappreciated in the past, and you'd grown enough to realize that you had been as well. Part of the appeal of being with an older man was knowing you were valued, and that was never going to change. But he surprised you again when you checked in for your appointment with his arm wrapped around your lower back, because he leaned in and whispered, "I wasn't there for Noah's anatomy scan. This is... I guess... I didn't realize how much shit I missed out on with him until this time around."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

As a nurse led you up to the exam room, he said, "I'm telling you now, Princess. Every day with you is exciting, because you let me show you how much I love you. How much I love all three of you."

There were still some tears in your eyes as Bradley stood next to you, holding your hand while the technician performed the scan. You were mesmerized by the images of tiny hands and feet on the monitor that was mounted to the wall. The soft shape of your baby moving around slightly was almost too much for your heart to handle, but then you were asked the question, "Do you want to know the sex?"

You looked up at Bradley, and you kept your eyes focused on him. "Go ahead, Daddy," you coaxed as he brushed his thumb along your knuckles. 

"Yeah," he rasped, voice deep with excitement. "We want to know."

His brown eyes lit up as you heard the words, "It's a girl." Then your husband's lips came crashing to yours while you were still processing everything. A little girl? First you got to be around to raise Noah, and you got to have a little girl, too?

"Bradley," you gasped when he released your lips. "A girl."

He was nodding, impossibly handsome in his uniform as his smile grew wider. "A purple nursery is it. She's gonna love the color just like her Mommy." You pulled him in for another kiss and another one, and you weren't sure why you thought you couldn't do this. You could handle anything with this man.

"I can't wait to tell Noah," you told him as tears blurred your vision.

Bradley kissed your forehead. "Can we tell him tonight? After I get home from work?"

"That would make me so happy."

---------------------------

You were bubbling with excitement when Bradley got home that evening, and it was clearly rubbing off on Noah. The house smelled like dinner and fresh baked cookies, and there was already a strand of colorful lights on the Christmas tree. There was even some music playing. The area rug was littered with colorful bits of construction paper and two pairs of scissors, and in an instant, Bradley had you and his son in his arms while Skittles barked for attention.

"Can we tell him?" you asked softly, pushing Noah's hair back from his forehead. "I want to tell him."

Your eyes were bright, and you looked so young with your bump pressed to Bradley's hip. "You don't want to wait until after dinner?" he teased, already knowing he'd agree to anything you said. A little pout found your lips, and he kissed it away.

"I want us to tell him now," you said, chasing him for another kiss. "Please?"

Bradley scooped Noah up into his arms, and he pointed at the tree. "Mommy let me pick the colorful lights, because we are making colorful decorations." Then Bradley noticed that there were already a few construction paper candy canes and gingerbreads tucked into the tree branches.

"Looks good, Bub," he said, kissing his son's cheek before sinking down to the floor amidst the mess with Noah on his lap. He looked up at you and patted his thigh as he said, "Mommy wants to tell you something special."

You sucked in a breath as your eyes went wider, and Bradley helped you down onto the floor at his side. "You want me to tell him?" you asked, one hand coming to rest on his thigh as you brushed your fingers along Noah's cheek. Bradley looked at his son who was always well loved and happy now; he had a dad who was trying his best and a mom who more than made up the deficit. 

"Yeah. You tell him, Princess."

"What?" Noah asked, his brown eyes reflecting the multicolored lights. "What, Mommy?"

You bit your lip and made an adorable noise before you said, "Sweet Noah, remember how we said this week was an exciting one because I'm going to adopt you? Well it's even more exciting, because we found out a few hours ago that the baby is a girl. You'll have a little sister soon!"

He stared at you for a beat before looking at Bradley, and then he asked, "Can we make her a crown, too?"

"Oh," you whispered, tears filling your eyes as you reached for him. "That's a great idea." Bradley carefully handed Noah to you and then watched you snuggle him in your arms. "What color do you think she would like?"

As Bradley stood up, Noah flipped through the stack of paper and said, "Probably red, so she knows we love her."

"That's perfect," you told him, but then you looked up at Bradley. "Where are you going?"

"I'll be right back. You two get started on her crown."

Bradley went right to his bedroom and plucked your worn out purple paper crown from the bedpost. It took him a minute of hunting, because they always seemed to end up all over the house, but eventually he found the other two crowns in Noah's room. When he returned to the living room, everything just made sense. There was a smaller red crown in Noah's hands, and you were carefully taping it together.

"Perfect," you crooned, kissing the top of his head as he held it up to show Bradley.

"I have an idea, Bub," he said, setting the green crown on his own head and the purple one on yours. After placing the yellow one on Noah's head, he scooped him up and reached for your hand. "Let's decorate the tree with it since your sister can't wear it yet."

With your cheek resting on his chest and your hand rubbing his abs, Bradley held Noah up high enough that he was able to set the crown on the top of the tree where a star would traditionally belong. But he liked this so much better. He'd take crowns and babysitters over stars any day.

---------------------------

You and Noah were so excited for Christmas, it was ridiculous. Even though it was nearly seventy degrees in San Diego, you made mugs of hot chocolate and blasted Christmas carols through the house on Christmas Eve. The tree was absolutely covered in ornaments, some store bought but most homemade. You kept playing YouTube videos of snow, which Noah had never seen in real life, and you convinced Bradley to take you both back to Big Bear Lake in January.

Nat and Javy stopped by with a pile of presents for Noah along with some baby girl clothing that had you melting as soon as you unwrapped it. Tomorrow morning, the three of you would be heading over to spend the day with Mav, Penny and Amelia, but tonight was just for the three of you. 

Bradley had already assembled Noah's bike and used an entire roll of wrapping paper to cover it, and while you took Noah to the kitchen to decorate the cookies you made, he carried it out to put it under the tree along with the collection of coloring books, colored pencils and crayons you bought for him. There were a few other gifts for him as well, but you and Bradley agreed not to exchange gifts with each other. He already spent every day of the year spoiling you, and you didn't need or want anything anyway. You already had it all.

"I need a hot chocolate refill," Bradley said, popping into the kitchen with his Noah's Dad mug in one hand and a smug smile on his face. "And then we can open presents."

"More presents?!" Noah asked, nearly dropping a cookie onto the floor as he scrambled down from his chair. 

"More presents," Bradley confirmed. "You ready?"

Noah left the two of you in the dust which gave you a few seconds to wrap your arms around your husband's neck and press your ever growing belly against him. "Thanks for letting me spoil Noah with your credit card," you whispered, letting your fingers trail down his chest until they were slipping into the waistband of his sweatpants. "Maybe later you'll let me spoil you?"

His smirk grew. "Oh, that's what I'm counting on, Baby."

"Mommy!" Noah shouted, and you pulled Bradley along with you by the drawstrings on his pants. "Look!"

When you walked into the living room, he was holding up a wrapped gift in each hand. Once you were settled on the couch with Skittles on your lap, Bradley joined Noah on the floor with his mug. "Go ahead and open them up, Bub."

You watched him tear into the paper while Bradley rooted around under the tree. Noah was holding up each coloring book and commenting on the themes as Bradley picked up a small, purple box and set it down next to your thigh. 

"What's this?"

He licked his lips and gave you a very innocent expression as he said, "Why don't you go ahead and open it and find out?"

It took you a few seconds to untie the little ribbon, and then you lifted the lid from the box and gasped as Noah moved on to unwrap his bike. "Daddy," you whispered, running your fingers along the shiny treat he bought for you, knowing full well that he'd enjoy it, too.

"You like it?" His voice was raspy and needy as you tipped the box a little bit to the side, and then you had to stifle a moan.

"I do," you told him, letting the heavy, stainless steel butt plug roll onto your palm. Mrs. Bradshaw was inscribed on the base.

Your heart was skipping around in your chest as you met his big, brown eyes. "You gonna spoil me, Princess?"

"As soon as Noah goes to bed."

After that, it didn't take long before Bradley was hauling him off to bed with the promise that he could try out his new bike first thing in the morning before leaving for Penny's house.

------------------------

Your best gift came after Christmas. It was two days into the new year when you were on your way home from work and got a phone call from the county clerk's office. In your excitement, you had to pull over so you didn't wreck when you heard the words, "You can come in to see the judge and have your adoption of Noah Bradshaw finalized."

"Bradley!" you screamed when you finally got home. He and Noah were already working on undecorating the tree, and now he had a panicked look on his face.

"What happened?" he asked, meeting you at the door and reaching for your belly.

"We're fine," you insisted loudly, scrambling into his arms as you shook from excitement. "I just got a phone call, and Noah's mine! He's really going to be mine!"

"Yeah?" Bradley asked as a smile bloomed across his face. "We're going to see the judge?"

"On Thursday!" you shrieked.

"This week?"

"This week!"

When Noah tried to reach for you as tears slid down your cheeks, Bradley picked him up. "Why are you crying, Mommy?" he asked, worry creasing his brow.

You kissed him and whispered, "Because I love you so much."

And that's exactly how you stood on Thursday afternoon, with Bradley next to you and Noah in his arms while you signed so many papers in front of the judge. Each swipe of the pen brought you a little bit closer to where you wanted to be, and when you reached the final sheet, your fingers shook. There was a little blot of ink next to your name, and you smiled down at it before pushing the papers across the table and looking expectantly at the judge.

He signed his own name a few times, handed everything over to someone else and then declared you Noah's legal guardian and parent. You let yourself sob against Bradley while you held Noah's small hand in yours. This is where you belonged. This is where you felt safe. This was your family. 

"It's official," you whispered to Noah, your voice raw from emotion. "I'm your Mommy."

Bradley kissed the top of your head half a dozen times and said, "You've been Noah's Mommy for months, Baby. Collect that piece of paper so we can go home."

You would have framed it, because it meant that much to you. And there was a chance you still would. But not yet. You needed to have it with you when you took Noah to preschool on your way to work a few weeks later. You left with plenty of time to spare so you'd be able to savor every moment. The baby was squirming around like crazy as you walked into the lobby with Noah's hand tucked into yours, and that's when you saw Casey.

"Good morning," you said brightly, and she tried her best to ignore you as she set the clipboard down for you to sign. You scribbled your brand new name on the line, kissed Noah's cheek, and then you watched her lead him inside to his classroom where he started to hang up his bag.

When Casey returned to find you were still there with your left hand resting on your belly, her eyes fell to your rings. They were stunning, and you knew it. She was jealous that you married Bradley, and you knew it. 

"What do you need?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

You smiled. "I need to fill out a second set of paperwork for Noah."

Casey rolled her eyes. "No. You don't. His dad's paperwork will still suffice. You're already listed as someone who is allowed to drop his son off and pick him up."

"Oh, but he's my son, too," you replied immediately, and you were met with stony silence. "I have the adoption paperwork here to prove it. And also, you'll need to update my last name in your records. It's Bradshaw now. I have the paperwork to prove that, too."

Without a single word, Casey pulled a new set of registration paperwork for you to fill out, and you took your time, standing there on the other side of the counter, neatly writing every last word. You hummed while you filled in your marital status and said, "It's funny how it turned out, huh? I started out as just the babysitter. What a wild world. But now you can call me Mrs. Bradshaw when you see me."

Her cheeks were bright red as you signed your name on the last sheet, gave her a bland look and added, "I'll be back to pick up my son later today." And then you walked outside into the cool January sunlight, and you really did feel like a Princess even without your crown on.

---------------------------

Bradley pulled his Bronco into his driveway, smiling at the sight of his son's bike parked crooked on the porch and the chalk art covering the walkway. His mind felt so much calmer than it had just a year ago, because he wasn't constantly rushing around, and he knew what he was going to find when he opened the door.

Armed with pizza, a salad, and a decaf coffee with Mrs. Bradshaw written on the side, he walked in and was greeted by Skittles running to him. Then he saw you and Noah sitting on the floor together, your back leaning against the couch. You had Noah cradled against your belly, his hands and ear pressed against your shirt.

"Daddy!" he called out. "She's kicking!"

"Yeah?" Bradley asked with a smile, setting everything on the TV stand before dropping down to the carpet. 

You reached for his hand as he crawled over, and he let you place it high on your belly. "Feel her?" you whispered, almost like you were afraid to break the magic that you'd somehow cast on all of them. There she was, moving around just like the previous night and last week. Bradley would never tire of this feeling.

He curled up with Noah, unwilling to move until his daughter wore herself out. Your fingers combed gently through his hair, and even Noah didn't seem in much of a rush to get to his dinner while his tiny sister was making him giggle. Every day was practically perfect now because of you, and it was just going to keep getting better. He looked up at your beautiful face and said, "You're the best thing that ever happened to us, Princess."

"I know, Daddy."

----------------------------

Omg, this family makes me so happy! Noah is thriving, and he's going to have a baby sister. Bradley is such a Daddy, and Princess is entering Mommy era for real. Up next is the EPILOGUE. I can't thank you enough, especially if you have been here reading since last MARCH! Big thanks to @beyondthesefourwalls

PART 63

@hotch-meeeeeuppppp

@chassy21

@solacestyles

@daisyhollyxox

@blog-name6996

@bcon24

@avada-kedavra-bitch-187

@katiebby04

@marantha

@averyhotchner

@abaker74

@heli991113

@k-k0129

@noz4a2

@shanimallina87

@little-wiseone

@ccbb2222

@xoxabs88xox

@thedroneranger

@cherrycola27

@fanboyswhore9

@xomrsalliej4787xo

@desert-fern

@horseslovers2016

@mattyskies

@hookslove1592

@blahehblah

@sadpetalsstuff

@local-spidey

@schoollover

@lex-winchester

@magicalmorg

@nicole01-23

@jessicab1991

@happyrebelruins

@samsgoddess

@ughthisisntright

@bellaireland1981

@sagittarius-flowerchild

@mygyn

@yuckosworld

@daggerspare-standingby

@nessjo

@trickphotography2

@lyn-js

@marve2014

@furiousladyking

[jazz-berry]

Ｐｌｅａｓｅ

sub!James Patrick March x fem!reader

Warnings: smut- p in v, oral (f!receiving), orgasm denial, bondage, praise, cockwarming

James looks lovely like this.

He's laying on his back, his wrists bound to the bedposts in his suite. He is completely exposed in front of you, his body completely at your mercy. He can feel his heart start to race, his arousal growing stronger as his thoughts fill with all the ways you could possibly use him, could possibly touch him. He gazes up at you with a mixture of adoration and eagerness, wanting absolutely nothing more than for you to take control, to decide what happens next.

With an amused smile, you climb on top of him, straddling his waist. James is in awe of the sight above him, his goddess's nude body on display. He knows he could easily get out of the makeshift restraints you created out of his ties if he really tried, but he doesn't want to. He loves being your worshipper.

Without a word, you slowly start to sink down onto his length, causing a soft groan to leave his lips. You bite down on your bottom lip as you feel your walls stretch and adjust to James. Once you've bottomed out, you look back up at his face as you stay still for a moment.

"Beg" you whisper

A shiver runs through James as he hears your gentle command, and he speaks in almost an eager, desperate whine. His voice is filled with adoration, and his eyes can't seem to look away from you.

"Please…I need you… my goddess, my darling…" he says the words like he's begging for his life.

a sultry smile grows on your face and after placing your hands on his chest to support yourself, you slowly start to move your hips up and down. Your husband's eyes flutter closed and he lets out a breathless moan.

"Please take me. You're absolutely perfect, absolutely sublime. Your touch alone feels like a blessing, the feeling of your body on top of mine...it's almost too wonderful for me to comprehend. You're divine. Please take me, my love, please." he blurts out desperately

You just hum in content and continue riding James at your own pace. Not too slow, not too fast. You mewl softly every time your clit perfectly brushes against his pubic bone.

James opens his eyes once more to watch you in awe. To him, you look ethereal. With your soft body, the way your breasts slightly jiggle with each bounce you do, your head tilted back with a blissful expression on your face. James Patrick March is not a man of God, but you have become his religion.

He's snapped out of his trance as you suddenly stop, making him look up at you pleadingly. He was so close. You knew that though. With a mischievous smile, you slowly lift yourself off of him. James immediately opens his mouth to protest and beg, but you remove his restraints before moving and sitting yourself down on his face, muffling him. His words die off and he eagerly starts lapping at your folds, wrapping his hands around your thighs. You moan softly and start to grind, rubbing your clit against his pencil mustache and nose perfectly.

James practically devours your sweet nectar, ignoring his aching shaft that you denied. With a whiny mewl, you reach your orgasm and tremble from above your husband, clenching your thighs around his head and burying him in your warmth.

Once the euphoria starts to fade, you lift yourself up and look down at James's handsome face. His lips, mustache, and nose all glisten with evidence of your orgasm. You look over at his crotch, seeing that his shaft is painfully hard and his balls almost purple. You turn back towards his face with a sultry smile, seeing the fuzzy look in his eyes.

"Good boy" you purr before returning to your original position and resuming your earlier bouncing. With his hands now free, James grips onto your waist while gasping for breath, still recovering from being suffocated in pussy.

The two of you reach orgasm at the same time. He moans loudly, burying himself to the hilt inside you and filling you up with his cum.

After catching your breaths, you slowly lay down on top of James, leaving his softening shaft connected to you. He adjusts his position accordingly, placing your head on his chest. He places a tender kiss on your lips before starting to rub your shoulders. After all, a goddess deserves only the best aftercare.

This lowkey sucks-

Sorry I rushed the ending😭

@lemoniiiiiii @n0tonlin3 @evanpeterswifeyyy @dearlizzies @marchsfreakshow @the-daughter-of-dahmer @tatelangdonsweater @majestyjade @xkaisxjazzxsingerx @glitterypinkhallucination @strawb3rrystar @miss-skinnybones @juliamaximoff @oceanblvd111 @violetsghosts @vizjpmdose @mooniehoneyrey @colinzabelswife @icedheartss @feefymo @fear-is-truth @m-l-w-b @mrs-peters @trueangel420 @divinerulersslut @goremommyrecs @americanwh0rerstory @melodymunson @slut4evanpeters @am3ricanh0rrorwh0re @tiffysdeath @frankenkyle19 @sadweirdblogger929 @lacucarachapisser @evanpeterspeter @babygorewhore @vfromvandalista @hauntedrose555

[laniluvsuu]

Pony.

Southern Ony&Southern Eren x Blackfemreader!

Warnings: smut!!! Threesome, Creampie, Oral (M. Receiving), Riding. Language, Slapping/Spanking. Choking/neck gripping. Maybe some misspelled words. I think that’s it srry if I missed anything😣!

You felt eyes on you, eyes to your right to be exact. They’ve been looking at you this whole time, you’ve made eye contact once or twice.

“You boys know it’s rude to stare?” You said turning your head and meeting the eyes once again. Two sets, one pair was dark brown the other was emerald.

“Our fault pretty. It’s sure as hell hard not to when you look so gorgeous.” The man directly next to you said, while the one in the back nodded his head in agreement as he fixed his hat and placed his drink back down on the counter.

“I’m Eren.” He said with a smirk on his face, placing his hand out for you to shake. Eren was fine. With his long shoulder length dark brown hair, his emerald green eyes that never left your face, and the many tattoos that covered his arms.

“Hi Eren, im Y/N.” You said placing your hand into his to shake it, he didn’t shake your hand just held it while looking you in your eyes. There was a deep chuckle before you could get another word out and it was from the other man. He was now moving to the other side of you.

“Let’s not be selfish Eren. Im Onyankopon, but you can call me Ony.” He said as he took a seat next to you with his back facing the counter and his legs spread out while he lifted his hand up to you with a soft smirk. Ony looked good almost too good, with his cornrows, and his mustache and goatee combo that complimented his face. His gold nose ring that decorated his right nostril, the tattoos all over his arms and hands.

“Well then Ony, Eren. What y’all got planned for the night?” You said after shaking Erens hand and now placing your hand into Onys, waiting for their answer.

“You tell us Mama.” Ony said moving his head to lay on his shoulder, looking at the side of your face while holding your hand in his.

“Mmm..I wanted to give the bull a ride before the night was over.” You said reaching your free hand over to Eren’s head to grab his hat and place it on your head. Eren smirked at your actions, and then gave Ony a knowing look when the bull was brought up.

“Oh? We’ll make sure you get a ride before the night ends pumpkin.”

And they sure as hell did, took them back to your apartment and now you’re bouncing up and down on Onys dick your back facing his chest while Eren was standing infront of you, his dick touching your throat, all you could see was his ink covered chest and pelvis.

“Oh yeah darlin, just like that all the way down.” Eren groaned out as he let his blunt sit in his mouth as he moved his hands to the back of your head pushing you all the way down, your nose meeting with his pelvis. You gripped onto Onys legs beneath you as you stopped your movements on his dick and focused on Eren as tears spilled out of your eyes.

“Don’t stop, you know better.” Ony said as he slapped your ass and moved his hands to your waist moving you up and down. His thumbs pushing into your dermal piercings making you squeal out around Erens dick.

“Ohhh my god. F—fuck!!” You yelled out as soon as Eren let you go, you rested you head on Erens thigh and kept your hand stroking his dick while Ony fucked up into you, and moved his hand up to mess with your clit. “Nope mama. Head up. Don’t fucking drop your hat.” Ony said reaching his hand up to grip on your neck and force you to look up at Eren. Since you wanted to play with hats so bad earlier Onys making you wear his hat until y’all are done.

“Ouuhh..I’m g—gonna cum again!” You cried out to them feeling your lower stomach get hotter and that knot tightening, Eren moved his hand down to grip your face, and force you to look him in the eyes, he also passed the blunt that was once in his mouth into Onys hand that was once around your neck.

“You gonna cum for us babygirl?” He said as he tilted his head, and narrowed his eyes while he looked down at you, he grabbed his dick and tapped his tip on your lips twice. “You look so fucking gorgeous bouncing on his dick with my dick in your face. You’re such a fucking slut.” Eren groaned out at the sight below him.

“S-she’s so fucking tight. O-oh fuck!” Ony said as he looked down at where you two were connected, your pussy was practically drooling all over his dick, squeezing him so hard it felt like you were tryna milk him dry. The white ring around his dick from your pussy made him feel dizzy.

“O-ohh..she’s fucking creaming on my shit. Holy fuck. I’m gonna cum.” Ony said as he threw his head back, moving your hips harder and faster chasing his climax once he felt the coil in his stomach get tighter and hotter.

“You heard him babydoll, he’s gonna cum where you want it?” Eren said as he stroked his dick still looking at your face, smiling once he heard you moan out. “I-insidee…! Daddy please! Mmph!” Eren quickly put his dick back in your mouth before groaning at the feeling, squeezing his eyes shut once you moaned around his dick.

“You heard babygirl Ony, fill her pussy up while I work on her mouth.”

[eddiegettingshot]

we're all doing a disservice to mr ryan guzman right now by not writing mustache eddie porn fast enough. you KNOW he's been refreshing ao3 since those pics dropped

I KNOW I KNOW FUCK I CAN’T THINK OF ANY IDEAS 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 OR I WOULD TRY DESPITE MY WRITER’S BLOCK